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take one tablet once daily

by Tough Sell

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about

This work was created for The Haven's virtual art gallery, Queer Digital Intimacies: thehaven.lgbt/queerdigitalintimacies

“take one tablet once daily” is an electroacoustic music / sound art piece that I composed using audio that I recorded while taking my HRT (hormone replacement therapy) pills for the first time in November 2021.

As someone who is often recording sounds, it made sense that I would record this moment, which represents the beginning of a new chapter of my gender embodiment or “transition”. The idea of archiving my own experiences is central to my practice as a musician and sound artist, so it felt right to create a track using this recording as source material.

Creating this track prompted me to ask myself: which details about my life, and my transition, are truly “intimate”? In some ways, there is an inherent sense of intimacy whenever you are creating artwork that represents or outlines specific moments or details of your life. You are putting your heart on your sleeve, so to speak, and there is vulnerability in that. You open yourself up to potential criticism, projection, and disapproval from others. At the same time, however, you open yourself up to the possibility of warmth, celebration, joy, and acceptance. It becomes much easier to lean into intimacy and to express yourself freely when you have a sense that others will hold you up with love and care.

With all of this in mind, sharing this piece (“take one tablet once daily”) does require me to lean into intimacy. There is vulnerability in being open about your transition in a transphobic world…in a world where there are certainly folks who do not hold transgender people up with love and care. I guess I could simply share the music and not elaborate on the connection to HRT and my transition, and that would be less intimate (in some way). However, I do not want to let the risk of disapproval or rejection from others stop me from sharing my experiences honestly, and with confidence. Trans-ness often requires us to choose authenticity, vulnerability, and intimacy in the face of fear. Fortunately, we can be confident that our queer and trans siblings will be there to celebrate with us.

lyrics

take one tablet once daily

credits

released February 25, 2022
Produced by Emerson Gaglardi

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all rights reserved

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about

Tough Sell Vancouver, British Columbia

As a songwriter and experimental music producer, Tough Sell draws inspiration from disparate musical genres (folk, pop, noise, electronic) to create works that document, archive, and abstract the places and headspaces she finds herself in.

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